Home > Forum, Guestbook & Blog

Go Back   The Den of Discourse > Dave's Blog

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 22nd May 2006, 08:56 PM   #1
Your friendly local necromancer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Te Awamutu, New Zealand
Posts: 100
New Zealand Coalition of Fathers Protests

As reported on Campbell Live tonight, the Coalition of Fathers is taking their protests against Family Court discrimination to the private houses of lawyers and judges.

While I don't really condone this behaviour, I am absolutely full of empathy. Fathers have been fighting the bias in New Zealand courts for years and not being taken seriously. This is what happens when people get desperate.

Like many fathers I don't feel I can relate the details of my own personal experiences for fear of hurting innocent people. However I will say a few things....

I've lived through a custody battle. I never actually went to family court for one simple reason - two very expensive lawyers both told me exactly the same thing (I will paraphrase): "On paper you have a strong case. If the judge didn't know which parent you were, you would probably win. Unfortunately you're the male so unless you can prove that the mother is abusing the child, you can't win. Your only hope is to get a reasonable access deal."

I was lucky and access has not been an issue on the whole. However several friends have fared much worse. Basically, our courts seem to automatically grant the mother full power and fathers have to fight if they see an injustice.

For example, if a mother decides to renege on a deal and withhold access rights it can be very difficult for a father to fight back.

One good friend of mine watched helplessly while the mother of his kids took them to Europe, never to return. This happened while he was desperately trying to find some legal way to stop her. While lawyers wrangled, the mother did as she pleased.

One final comment: A lawyer on tonight's program claimed that they are all working for the benefit of children. I wish I could quote names and facts instead of just hoping you'll believe me: I have personally witnessed three family court lawyers in action. Not one of them was interested in the child's welfare. All three of them wanted one thing only - victory for their client. All three were prepared to use what I would call dirty tricks to achieve this outcome.
Dave is offline  
Old 20th June 2007, 06:28 PM   #2
Posts: n/a
Newbie to the wonderful world of child support...

Hi there,

I have just recieved my second child support bill? in the mail. It is $450 per month for a child that I have never seen or been able to see. The boy in question was born 3 years ago yet the child support demands only emerged last month through the IRD.

Imagine the following circumstances….
- As a horny 19 year old I met a cute girl of 24.
- We hooked up and she told me she was on the pill and refused to use condoms.
- It turns out that she miscarried twins three weeks prior to meeting me.
- She lived with her divorced, alcoholic mother and the 5 year old son of her sister who is in prison for GBH.
- She fell pregnant.
- She told me all she wanted was a child and would not abort.
- Said that she wanted never to hear from me again and not to try and “find” her.
- I dealt with this by considering myself a sperm donor and got on with my life.
- 3 years on and the child support bill comes through and I have no idea where my son is and how to contact her and why suddenly I have to pay even though she “never wanted to hear from me or see me again.” I had considered a relationship with the child but she refused me this and I had to get over it and carry on…

I feel like I was tricked into giving her a child and she manipulated me when (as I said) I was nothing more than a horny young man, drunk on the attention that she gave me. Now I feel that I am paying to support her and whatever habits she has…and have got nothing in return except for a lousy shag.

Do I have any options? I’d really appreciate someone to talk to about this as I have just paid them and put them out of my mind and it’s killing me inside.

If someone knows how to post this, please feel free to do it where is may get read and notify me by email :


Thank You
Old 2nd July 2007, 10:42 AM   #3
merv hunwick
Posts: n/a
New Zealand no rights no visits

have been seperated 6 years and divorced 4 i let her have the house and let her get on with her life accepted my son was better with his mother and never dreamed i would end up with no rights but is is so and i have no recourse she has a protection oder preventing me near my son and because i would not do an anger management course the judge gave me no rights to the court system again
c`est la vie it is my son who suffers for 4 years she let me see my son and now she is angry with me and so i cannot see him again
Old 26th April 2008, 06:05 PM   #4
Posts: n/a
Do not use the services of a lawyer

I am 2008 Family Court Vintage. Orders made against me and barring my four children from having a decent relationship with their father.
It is so beccause Womens Refuge in a drive to get funding (2m)from government
manifactured 37% increase in domestic violence for this year. They use dirty tactics to frighten women. My wife gave up and after some counselling now she is convinced that beeing protected is the right thing. Our family has been destroyed by Women's Refuge with the judicial help of the Family Court.

---Represent your self. Save your money. Your battle will be lost and the your lawyer knows that. It is embedded in the law.

---Counsel For Child is your first ennemy. She is the second lawyer to your wife and has zero regards for the intersests of your children. Do the opposite of her advice.

---Use the Family Court Services. You will be punished for it.

--- Do not do any silly(violent thing) The family Court proceedings are designed to engineer the violent man in you.

--- If you see Tourists stabbed in the streets know we are rippoing the benefits of the familu ourts.
Old 8th June 2006, 12:16 PM   #5
Your friendly local necromancer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Te Awamutu, New Zealand
Posts: 100
[Edit: This post is in response to a message that has since been deleted]

The fact that IRD doesn't consider what fathers spend themselves on their kids is another example of the unfairness.

I think a book is a great idea - we might all be surprised by how many people are interested in this topic. It would need to be very carefully researched though. It would likely be a target for those who think all separated fathers are bad - you'd want to make sure you had a bullet-proof fact-checking system.
Dave is offline  
Old 18th June 2006, 10:39 PM   #6
Posts: n/a
Doing whats in the best interest of the child

As a mother currently in a custody battle, i often sympathize with fathers out there trying hard to give there child the best but fighting a battle with an ex who has unresolved realtionship issues, that manifest in using the children as a pawn in a revenge game. Not all mothers have been difficult to deal with allowing access to the children, i have struggled endlessly constantly giving the father of our son the arrangements that suit him, everyday i drive across town to drop my son off for two hours with his dad drive back home and trek back again when the times up, just in time to get work afterward, he spends every weekend from friday morning till sunday evening with him. My concerns only come from my ex's constant drug use and wasnt until i got a chance to see inside his house that the concern grew, i found that my son was sleeping in a bare damp room at the back of the house sleeping in a portacot with only a single blanket in the same room my ex had a marjuana crop growing, ther was drug utensils and open packets of pills and other related items in an unlocked cupboard easily accessed by my son in the kitchen, and people frequenting the house to do deals, unfortunatly i have no right to stop these access arrangements informally made outta court, so to give my son a stable envoironment free of all these evils i have to battle it away in court along side the fathers and never for a minute believing i have the upper hand cos im the mother cos at the end of the day its whats best for the child not the parents
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

All times are GMT +13. The time now is 05:01 PM.